I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
