Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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