Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
