it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
