he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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