my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Enjoy the penises
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
