Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
