She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
