I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
