She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
