This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
