i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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