Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
