I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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