At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize