remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
