all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
