actually, I'm a sock model
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
