Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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