for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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