sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
