so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
