Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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