You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
