Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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