I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want to fling myself into the sun
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
