I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
