I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
