the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
