just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
