I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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