Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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