We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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