1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
