just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
