Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They have beer where we have blood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
