She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
