she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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