garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
