did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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