this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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