I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
