You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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