We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize