Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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