JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
