He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
