I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
