My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
