My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
