I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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