Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
