WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
