If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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