New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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