They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
