I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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