Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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