You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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