I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
