no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
