Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Farmville is her only friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
