ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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