Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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