I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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