I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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