My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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